give up

alright, i give up.. seems like there's no way to fully mend a relationship when it is broken.. there's bound to be a gap and things won't be the same anymore.. no matter what i do, you will still judge me like how you used to.. everything i do is always because of T.. well, to those imbecile people out there, relationship can refer to kinship and friendship too.. not only about romance -_-"..

why do you have to please both parties?..
you know you can't please everyone in this world..
so why do you want to be mr niceguy and tire yourself by pleasing everyone?..
are you trying to gain recognition from both sides?..
this is the only thing i can think of..
well, if that's the case, you will never be able to do it..
and if even if you tried 200% to make both sides happy, you will still be unable to 100% please a party..
you will just end up causing both parties to be unhappy and both sides to hate each other even more..
the math 1+1=2 doesn't work here..
so have i done anything wrong?..
if any, that would be i've choose one side instead of another..
in your case, i chose that side over yours..
'get your priorities right man! know what's the most impt to you!'.. but what's right?..
no matter what i do, one party will still be disappointed..

have you ever wondered how much effort i used to put in?.. have you ever wondered how much i was affected by you?.. i know you are disappointed with me, that's why you couldn't care anymore.. but haven't i tried to get things back on track?..

well come to think of it, i can't blame you for judging me cause this is the way i present myself.. from all my actions, you can tell i'm 'this-kinda-person'.. and i won't deny the fact that i really am such a person.. i know you can't be bothered anymore.. cause i didn't fulfill your expectations of me.. i didn't turn out to be who you expected.. i don't blame you cause you have every right to be disappointed.. but then again, have i ever treated you like this when i'm disappointed with you?.. not meaning to compare, but just a thought..

nevertheless, i still wanna apologise to you even if it's futile to you.. sorry for making you disappointed.. sorry for giving you such high hopes that i won't turn into this kinda person.. sorry for having such high expectations for each other.. you had high expectations that i won't change while i had high expectation that you will understand.. maybe that's why i feel i'm closer to B now.. cause we don't have high expectations of each other and when things happen, we don't get as disappointed as when it happen to us..

既然那么累那为什么还要努力讨好别人呢？
因为人类永远逃不过要讨好别人的“圈套”。。
就是因为太在乎别人眼光，很多人其实都活得很累。。
无可厚非，我承认我是一个很在乎别人眼光也急切希望得到别人认同的’奴力‘。。
我不能改变人类在这一方面所最求的。。
我唯一能做的是减少在乎的人。。
这样形容听起来有点怪。。
不过明白这道理的人就会感同身受。。

alright, i give up.. if things will work, it will work.. giving up doesn't mean giving up this relationship.. i still want it no matter what happens.. giving up means i'll give up trying so hard.. cause nothing's gonna change.. back to the same point: when something is broken, there will always be a gap.. i'm willing to wait.. if you can accept me for who i am, i will still want to amelorate this situation.. there's always a space in my heart for you and you will always be special and irreplaceable.. but meanwhile, i'll just try less harder cause it's tiring to manage both sides..

i love you, and i will always do <3 <3

p.s. alright, everyone who reads this will know who the intended reader is.. i think you are smart enough to know too.. for those who don't know, it just means you are not focus on reading.. so R-E-A-D harder..