2人

呼吸很轻 寂寞很深
世界只剩渐渐变弱的雨声
2人沉默着

你不肯说 我不敢问
你的眼睛突出了透明的话
忽然我发现你的脸好陌生

明明是两个不同的角色
爱情却给我们一个脚本
你要的不在我这
我的你不懂的
两人在互相拔河

明明是太多不同的可能
结局却给我们一种选择
要分开却舍不得
两人彼此都忘了要什么

呼吸很轻 寂寞很深
世界只剩渐渐变弱的雨声
2人沉默着

你不肯说 我不敢问
你的眼睛突出了透明的话
忽然我发现你的脸好陌生

明明是两个不同的角色
爱情却给我们一个脚本
你要的不在我这
我的你不懂的
两人在互相拔河

明明是太多不同的可能
结局却给我们一种选择
要分开却舍不得
两人是不一样的我走了

is it time to give up?..

give up

alright, i give up.. seems like there's no way to fully mend a relationship when it is broken.. there's bound to be a gap and things won't be the same anymore.. no matter what i do, you will still judge me like how you used to.. everything i do is always because of T.. well, to those imbecile people out there, relationship can refer to kinship and friendship too.. not only about romance -_-"..

why do you have to please both parties?..
you know you can't please everyone in this world..
so why do you want to be mr niceguy and tire yourself by pleasing everyone?..
are you trying to gain recognition from both sides?..
this is the only thing i can think of..
well, if that's the case, you will never be able to do it..
and if even if you tried 200% to make both sides happy, you will still be unable to 100% please a party..
you will just end up causing both parties to be unhappy and both sides to hate each other even more..
the math 1+1=2 doesn't work here..
so have i done anything wrong?..
if any, that would be i've choose one side instead of another..
in your case, i chose that side over yours..
'get your priorities right man! know what's the most impt to you!'.. but what's right?..
no matter what i do, one party will still be disappointed..

have you ever wondered how much effort i used to put in?.. have you ever wondered how much i was affected by you?.. i know you are disappointed with me, that's why you couldn't care anymore.. but haven't i tried to get things back on track?..

well come to think of it, i can't blame you for judging me cause this is the way i present myself.. from all my actions, you can tell i'm 'this-kinda-person'.. and i won't deny the fact that i really am such a person.. i know you can't be bothered anymore.. cause i didn't fulfill your expectations of me.. i didn't turn out to be who you expected.. i don't blame you cause you have every right to be disappointed.. but then again, have i ever treated you like this when i'm disappointed with you?.. not meaning to compare, but just a thought..

nevertheless, i still wanna apologise to you even if it's futile to you.. sorry for making you disappointed.. sorry for giving you such high hopes that i won't turn into this kinda person.. sorry for having such high expectations for each other.. you had high expectations that i won't change while i had high expectation that you will understand.. maybe that's why i feel i'm closer to B now.. cause we don't have high expectations of each other and when things happen, we don't get as disappointed as when it happen to us..

既然那么累那为什么还要努力讨好别人呢？
因为人类永远逃不过要讨好别人的“圈套”。。
就是因为太在乎别人眼光，很多人其实都活得很累。。
无可厚非，我承认我是一个很在乎别人眼光也急切希望得到别人认同的’奴力‘。。
我不能改变人类在这一方面所最求的。。
我唯一能做的是减少在乎的人。。
这样形容听起来有点怪。。
不过明白这道理的人就会感同身受。。

alright, i give up.. if things will work, it will work.. giving up doesn't mean giving up this relationship.. i still want it no matter what happens.. giving up means i'll give up trying so hard.. cause nothing's gonna change.. back to the same point: when something is broken, there will always be a gap.. i'm willing to wait.. if you can accept me for who i am, i will still want to amelorate this situation.. there's always a space in my heart for you and you will always be special and irreplaceable.. but meanwhile, i'll just try less harder cause it's tiring to manage both sides..

i love you, and i will always do <3 <3

p.s. alright, everyone who reads this will know who the intended reader is.. i think you are smart enough to know too.. for those who don't know, it just means you are not focus on reading.. so R-E-A-D harder..

an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind

this is probably one of the most famous quote made by Ghandi and i was so inspired by it to make a blog post..

as revengeful creatures, we human beings often try to give an eye for an eye to people when we feel being treated unfairly or when we are annoyed by their actions. after getting back at them and sucessfully spiting them, we will feel better for a short moment. but at the end of the day, the question is, has the issue really been solved? after letting them understand how it feels to be treated the way they treat us, so what? nothing is going to change and it just makes us seem petty and childish.

sometimes, the person you're angry with might not even know you are and all that effort and energy put into being angry will not be 'appreciated'. so in the end, you will end up getting more pissed and the person you are pissed with will just happily carry on with his life. so what for get so angry? afterall, what we are trying to do is to make a point to them that we are pissed.

as quoted from nat:

Why in the world would you want to hurt someone whom is dear
to you? They might
not even be around tomorrow. Nor you.

Time is
very precious. And we're
running out of it - every day, every hour, every
minute. This very second.

Some things are not worth holding on to. Anger
is one of them.
Sometimes, the person you're angry with might not even know
it. So all that
effort and energy put into being angry only puts a toll on
your body. For what?
It's too troublesome.

If you have to make a
point, and it's someone you
love, then Trust that there's enough Love for
you to put that point across, and
for them to receive it. Just be sure to do
it only when the anger has subsided.

Have you let go of your Anger
today?

I have.

读书是为了自己，不是为了别人。谢谢你点醒我。

i need some form of discipline urgently. does anyone sells it?

all on my own..

all of a sudden i feel so lonely..
i just realised i don't have much friends..
well, it's true that it's the quality that matters, not the quantity..
but it seems like everyone is drifting away from me..
today i was so frustrated and bored with my final year project and i wanted to find someone to go out to relax..
i really need to breathe in some fresh air..
i've already been cooping up at home for the past few days..
i try to sleep early because i don't want to think too much..
but it seems like all of my best friends are not available..
i was so lonely but no one was there for me..
all of a sudden i feel that i have no one to turn to when i'm in need..

most of my friends felt that i have recently changed into a different person..
as such, they start drifting away from me..
it makes me feel so sad..
yes i agree i'm not quite myself recently..
but i thought best friends are suppose to stay and grow with you?..
i thought best friends are suppose to love you for who you are, not what you have become?..
so what if i've changed, am i still not the same person ultimately?..
sigh, so it still boil downs to the same question..
is quality really better than quantity?..
i'm so tired now..
my life is so meaningless..
crap..

when i need you, you are not there.. you don't know that's because i didn't say.. cause if i say, it will affect your mood.. and it will then in turn affects me.. i care about how you feel.. but do you care about me?..

to hell with m1

okay, i'm finally blogging because
1) found out that blogger is working
2) damn pissed off with M1

so this was what happened...
i tried to make a call to china using my mobile phone but received a pre-recorded message that says i'm not allowed to do so and i should call customer service for more details which i dutifully did. upon checking, this kalangkabo lady said that i couldn't because i'm under 21 years old which i'm totally fine with it. so i asked her if it was possible to get my parents to be my guarantors so that i could make IDD calls and she said no. then i asked her if there is any way i can go about doing this. upon checking with her supervisor, she came up with two very stupid alternatives.

1) buy an M-card
2) wait till you are 21 then make that call

WTF?!?!??! only people from m1 are capable of giving such alternatives. what a classic 哭笑不得 example! i can forsee singtel getting my business soon..

why?

apparently there's nothing wrong with blogger; it's just my computer. i've tried to blog using a public computer and everything is fine. geez, i must find a way to solve this problem cause i wanna blog with photos!